Years ago one of my duties as a JAG (judge advocate) was to review incident reports. Over time I developed an appreciation (?!) for how police jargon trumps good sense. There were many mornings where my soul felt a certain pathos (mixed with hysterical laughter) on behalf of the "buildings found insecure" during the 24 hours prior to my coming on duty.
But the Washington Post is our local paper and although it leans to the left it's usually pretty good about stupid headlines and bad grammar. However, it has a local insert for our area of Northern Virginia on Thursdays. Usually I just ignore it but today I had a few minutes of down time that wasn't a long enough stretch to accomplish anything meaningful so I perused what passes for a local paper.
At the risk of offending all of you animal lovers (and yes, I love animals too), I offer here two "news items" that made me laugh out loud.
Dead cat found: Orchard St., NW, 500 block, 1:18 p.m., Feb 28. An animal control officer picked up a dead cat but couldn't find its owner. The cat was taken to the County Animal Shelter, where it will remain for seven days.
Why? Does it owe some taxes and can't be disposed of until it pays up?
Raccoon tested: Seabrook Lane, 7400 block, 3:50 p.m., Feb 26. Animal control officers, responding to a report of a raccoon attacking people, sent the animal for rabies testing. An animal control officers was contaminated by fluid from the raccoon.
Why can't we just say the raccoon peed all over the guy? Perhaps the raccoon knew what rabies testing involves for the raccoon!