Where Has Civility Gone?

For some reason today I feel assaulted by the culture. A young friend relates how he felt attending some neighborhood meetings in which people three times his age expressed dissent in disrespectful, childish manner, cutting off others and booing speakers.

I visit another friend's blog only to read a sadly true story about a woman who couldn't get off her cell phone long enough to complete a transaction at a grocery store and then was grossly rude to the cashier and those waiting.

I hear a story on the news about the debate over health care and listen to the media defending their propensity to cover only the contentious moments, not the calm and civil ones. The journalist actually said, "we show the houses burning, not the ones not on fire."

I watch at the gym as people 'stake out' a machine with their weights and towel and come and go from it over a 20 minute period, not allowing anyone else to use it.

I drive home from the gym and marvel at three different people cutting others off in traffic that covers less than 3 miles.

I listen to the ad for a well-known talk show host on NPR that talk about how well-versed she is in many areas of politics and government, yet I can't stand to listen to her anymore because she constantly interrupts her guests.

What has happened to our society? Do we require rudeness in order to be motivated to do the right thing? Has our respect for order and debate been trumped by our individual needs to be heard? I'm convinced that part of our problem stems from letting television dictate our social interactions. In the land of the sit-com, zingers, sarcasm and personal insults are momentary and laughable. But taken into our living rooms and our lives, the reality of hurtful words is damaging. So why do we find them funny on television? Why do we celebrate movies in which young children make adults look like buffoons? Why do we allow children to run around in restaurants, play with toys in church, and sass their teachers and parents?

We do not have to agree on everything. It would be a very boring world if we did! But we do need to step back, breathe deeply, and (I hear my mother's voice coming out of my mouth here) THINK BEFORE WE SPEAK! And we need to teach our children the same thing. We need to teach other people's children the same thing -- by not encouraging their bratty behavior.

That old Golden Rule, "Do unto others as you would have them do unto you," has a lot of merit in it. But it's easier than that. Just be kind. That's it. Be kind. Even if someone is mean. (And believe me I do NOT like mean people). But to be mean back is to perpetuate being mean.

There's a wonderful passage in the New Testament that the Apostle Paul gave us. It is his "filter" that we should use as we evaluate whatever we take in from the culture. We are part of the culture as well, so we need to use this filter for everything we send out into is as well. It's from Philippians 4:8:

Whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable-if anything is excellent or praiseworthy-think about such things.

Yeah, and to quote Thumper, "If ya can't say anything nice, don't say nuthin' at all."

It's taken me over 40 years to start understanding and practicing this myself. What a relief though when I remember to do it.

/kw

More License Plates

BUYAHM

HLOGBY

1-30IN

RDY4PAU

WTITIS

4POLLO (This was with a National Air & Space Museum license plate. Cool)

GISGD

CUBS4LF

VNZG FAN

I don't pretend to know what they all mean -- any ideas?

/kw

Cool School Product?

Do you want your son to be the coolest boy at the lunch table? Do you want to bless your husband's lunch with something that people will talk about for days? Do you want to send a not-so-subtle message to a politican about whether you believe his message?

Then run, do not walk, to Abbey's Hallmark in Oakton and get some of these napkins. They' re made by the Great Elephant Poo Poo Paper Company and they're made from animal poop. Yeah, that's what it said. Animal poop.

It actually makes sense if you think about it. Elephants eat a LOT of fiber and most of it is still fiber at the other end. It's the ultimate recycling to use a waste product for something useful.

Just to be upfront about this -- I don't blog for pay. If I endorse a product it's because I thought it was funny, or catchy or worth noting. For those who do blog for bucks, I like my friend Quilly's approach. She ALWAYS tells you up front that it's one of those posts, and then is completely honest about the product (even if she doesn't like it) and is usually really funny about it. I'm just not that funny so I don't do it myself.

So anyway, when I was at Abbey's today, the lady showed me this product and I laughed

out loud. I only had my lousy cell-phone camera and I hate paying the fee for transmission to my home computer, but here are two photos. They have them in the patterns shown as well as dolphins, peace signs, zebra stripes...

So, your son is going to ask, "how do they do it?" Here's how they do it in the wild. Just wait until he starts stalking the herbivores in your neighborhood to collect their poop.

But, if you get him some of these for his lunch box, he will be the King of Cool ... and no one in liberal Northern Virginia can complain about it because it is RECYCLING and ENVIRONMENTALLY FRIENDLY! Those are ALWAYS good things...right?

You can get them at Abbey's Hallmark store in Oakton, Virginia. Their address is 2930 Chain Bridge Road, #107. If you don't live in Virginia, you can go to the company website HERE.

Just to send you off with the "real feeling", close your eyes and listen to this video.



LATE BREAKING COMMENT: I went out to dinner with my dh (half price fajita night!) and was telling him about the poo products. His question, "well, doesn't that endanger the dung beetles?" YEAH! WHAT ABOUT THE DUNG BEETLES?

And here I thought I was the only funny person in this household.

/kw

Three Word Thursday

Quilly is a good teacher. She gives us hard words and expects us to turn them into interesting stories. She is also kind and generous and really, really, funny. When she moves to the mainland, her old community will definitely be the poorer for it. But her new community will be richer, so I guess it all balances out!

She hosts Three Word Thursday and you can play! Just visit her site through the link above. This week the words were operopolist, phalerae, and stibogram.

Here's my story:

Alice spent the night snuggled in the tent next to the car with two really big dogs and a small boy. She didn’t start out snuggled with Adam. He was very wary as they settled down for the night and made sure he was out of reach when he snuggled into the sleeping bag she gave him. In her exhausted slumber Alice heard the rumble of thunder sometime during the night, and when she woke in the half-light of pre-dawn, Adam was curled up next to her, breathing deeply.

Extracting first her left arm and then her right, Alice tried to right herself and shake sleep from her brain. “Coffee!” her brain was screaming. She struggled out of her cramped position, marveling at how the little boy shifted without waking and how the dogs rolled in to keep him secure and warm. Hobbling over to the camp stove Alice made ready to light it and get some water heating. As she squinted her eyes at the match to light it she heard a noise that made all of her senses come instantly awake.

Cassius and Cicero were instantly on their feet and on point protecting their human charges. Adam was slower to wake, but once he realized the dogs were alerted, his keening began. “Eeeeeeeeeeeeiiiiii!” he started as he rocked his body back and forth. Without thinking through the ramifications Alice dashed to his side and grabbed him up into her arms, holding him tightly and making shushing and soothing noises.

“Stand down,” she heard from outside their campsite. The dogs shifted nervously and wagged their tails a bit but did not relax. “You stupid dogs, I said stand down!” Luke’s voice resonated through the clearing.

Cassius and Cicero remained on guard but the very tips of their fur started to ease a bit. Alice held tightly to Adam and called out, “Luke, what do you think you’re doing here?”

Luke, ever the smart-ass prone to putting his foot in his mouth responded, “why are you and the dogs so defensive? You with another man?”

Alice was furious but kept her voice low so as to not frighten Adam. “They’re taking their direction from me. I have a wounded child here and you’re making things worse!”

Luke’s voice was immediately contrite. “Aw, Alice, I’m sorry. What’s the injury and how can I help?”

He moved further into the clearing and unslung his backpack. He started taking things out in order to get to his medical kit. By the time he finished, the pile of plums in front of him made him look like an oporopolist. Alice couldn’t help herself. She started laughing. “What on earth did you do? Harvest an entire tree?” He grinned a little sheepishly and admitted, “it’s a bribe. I know you like plums.”

She relaxed her arms a bit on Adam and asked the little boy, “do you want some plums?” His eyes sparkled a yes as he nodded. “Two plums please, served on fine china with linen napkins.”

“Well ma’am, I ran out of fine china and linen napkins just before I headed up here. Will a fabulous presentation suffice?” Luke began juggling the fruit. It worked for a minute or two but then one fell to the ground and then another. He picked them up and brought them over to Alice and Adam.

As he approached, Adam could see a big man with yellow hair. Cassius and Cicero clearly wanted to go to him, but Alice had not released them. Oddly, Adam did not retreat from Luke. At this, Alice gave in. “Okay,” she said, disgust plain in her voice. “Go ahead, Cass and Ciss.” The two wolfhounds joyfully bounded over to the man and engulfed him in doggy-love. Their tags slapped against his chest like phalerae on a Roman soldier.

Adam couldn’t help himself. A giggle escaped as he saw this big man, at least 6’2”, pinned on the ground with those dogs licking him on every exposed part. Adam felt he would be safe if the big dogs could pin a guy that size. He whispered to Alice, “they must know him pretty well!” Alice responded, “in his case they were always lousy judges of character.”

After order had been restored Alice casually introduced Adam to Luke. “He’s an old friend that I don’t see very much anymore,” she explained to the boy. “I guess we can let him have some breakfast with us, don’t you think so?” Adam agreed.

As they enjoyed their repast of plums and oatmeal over the camp stove, Adam blossomed talking to Luke. It was clear from his conversation that the boy had not been in the forest for long. He talked about seeing a movie that Alice knew had just come out the previous month.

After everyone was satiated she rose and gathered the campsite. She walked over to the trunk of the car to put everything away. When she got there she froze. There were footprints on the ground on the far side of the car that were so clear an agent could make stibograms for a blind jury to follow. She knew Luke had come from the opposite direction. From this Alice knew someone had been watching them during the night. Only the presence of the dogs had deterred someone coming closer. She shivered, wondering whether it was whoever Adam was afraid of.

She went back to sit down with the guys and the dogs. When Adam’s chatter died down Alice asked, “so Adam, what do you want to do? I have to get back to the farm so the dogs can have their food. I’ll offer the same thing as yesterday – you can come with me if you want, but I’m not going to force you.”

Adam looked at Luke and asked, “are you coming too?” Alice groaned inwardly. This kid was going to start her parents on their “happily ever after” trail again for her and Luke. Luke looked at Alice questioningly. She nodded, resigned. Luke responded with a gleeful grin and a cheerful, “Yeah, Adam. I guess I am!”

/kw

It Takes All Kinds

My son and I went to his middle school orientation today. He starts 7th grade next week. After we figured out where he would go to his classes and how to get around we finally got in line to purchase his P.E. uniform. There were two lines and we were told that it didn't matter which one we were in -- cash or check. We got about half-way up and found out that it did matter and we were in the wrong line. Sigh.

We got in the correct line and stood sandwiched between two really diverse sets of people. Behind us were the typical Northern Virginia "parents of precocious children" talking in a voice loud enough for everyone around them to hear. The subject: their children's precocity. I hear this so much around here I just started to tune out. (Although to be fair I have been guilty of bragging about my kids, so slap me with a wet noodle).

I turned toward the other direction and what an experience. There was a couple in front of me who were clearly my age (late 40's) and would have fit in perfectly in L.A. She was dressed in those little spiky open shoes with a perfect french pedicure. She had on black tights, covered by a black YOGA type dress. She didn't look like a 20-something in it, but she didn't look bad. She had lots of jewelry, a great "BAG" and lots of makeup. She also had a fabulous mane of hair that looked totally . . . false. With her was a tall man wearing Levis 505's, a button-down shirt that was casually tucked in, no belt, and a lot of long hair, only it was thinning and looked kind of sad. He actually looked a little like Mick Jagger through his facial features.

Then a young teen girl came over to join them. She dressed like my daughter -- not LA at all, but that dressed-down-not-concerned-about-labels look. She actually kind of looked like my daughter, with straight brown hair (okay, it was several shades of brown, but still cool) and very cool glasses. In short, she didn't look like a clone of her mom -- which is what I would have expected.

As I watched them interact I realized that this mom and dad loved their daughter just the way I love my kids. No matter what their personal dress codes, they were obviously letting their daughter find her own way with what she is comfortable wearing. It was very cool, and I was blessed watching the loving relationship between them.

Then it was my turn to plunk down cash and leave. But I'll be watching at the school during events to see if I see them again. I think I want to get to know them. They're so NON-Northern Virginia, it's very appealing.

I wonder what that guy does for a living. Maybe he really is a rock star...maybe he knows Mick Jagger!

Speaking of Mick Jagger -- I think this song is vaguely Christian. If you know different, please don't tell me...

/kw

For Thom

Per your request . . . now e-mail me with the idiom this is!

/kw

Last Bit of School Shopping

We had to go to the Leesburg Outlet today. I had one of those reward certificates for $20 from Eddie Bauer that was due to expire tomorrow. Daughter was excited -- she's independently wealthy these days because people pay her a ridiculous amount of money for babysitting. (Don't get me wrong. I think my daughter is wonderful and a great babysitter, but I find it hard to believe that people think $10 per hour is REASONABLE for a teen sitter!)

Son was not as happy, but I bribed him.

But to back up, I was really ticked off at both of them when we headed out. They knew we needed to go, and they knew what they needed to accomplish in order to be ready. They were well on their way when I went upstairs to get a shower. When I came back down I discovered they had both entered time warps in separate locations in the house, but both with the effect that NOTHING else had gotten done. No dishes cleaned up, no bird taken care of, no trumpet practice, no meds, NOTHING. And one of them wasn't even bright enough to hide the evidence. The book that caused the time warp was face-down on the kitchen table next to the dishes! (This is not the point at which you reassure me that at least she's reading. My problem is to get her to stop reading long enough to do anything else productive).

So in my "mom of the year" fashion, I went on a rant. "You are both old enough to use some initiative around here to clean things up! I don't ask you to do much -- just the things that you directly benefit from like cleaning up your own dishes or taking care of your own bird!" That was for the daughter. Then the son walked in, and I lit into him. "Were you down in the basement (remember the lair?) playing with LEGO?" He nodded. "Darn it! You could have spent that time practicing trumpet and we wouldn't have had it hanging over us all morning while we're out shopping!"

I could see Daughter about to yell back -- but going shopping was at stake so she held it in. Later she commented, "I hate it when you do that. You sound so judgmental."

Mom: "Yep. I am judgmental at that moment. How else should I sound? Judgmental isn't always a bad thing! It's like tolerance -- it's in the eye and hands of the beholder. Plus, I've tried sweetness and light and asking politely and what happens?"

Daughter: we forget.

Me: Yeah, so what's your idea for something different?

At this point son interjects, Mom, you're showing great Boy Scout leadership skills by asking us to come up with a solution.

Me (about to explode out my ears), really? I wonder why the Boy Scouts teach that. What would you do to your patrol if they were as lazy around a campsite as you two have been this morning?

Son: I'd leave their stuff on the ground and let them deal with the raccoons in the middle of the night.

Me: That's not an option for our home.

I did buy them lunch, they both got the remaining school clothes they needed and I apologized for the rant, but not the content and asked them to help me come up with solutions. I also pointed out that neither one of them likes to be corrected. The daughter emphatically agreed with that. So, I said, "okay, it's simple. If you don't want me to correct you ever again, just pick up your stuff and put it away! End of problem."

Daughter: "Oh, I guess that might work."

So this evening as I walked by her room, I looked in. The door was open -- honestly! -- and it was back to looking like a tornado went through. Sigh.

I feel so sorry for the man she is going to marry someday. He will get an amazingly gifted, incredibly intelligent and horribly messy wife who has no clue why anyone else thinks the mess is bad. I can only hope that God blesses her with destructo-toddlers so I can just laugh and say "I'm not coming over to fix this."

/kw